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What is Corporate America "up to?"

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In the old days, companies would promise (or even guarantee!) that a product would perform at a certain level. A vacuum cleaner would last 5 years, or your money back.

Today's companies have found a way around this inconvenient standard of competence. They can promise that a product will perform "up to" a certain level. We've all seen the internet service provider that verbally promises "gig-speed internet" while the fine print specifies "up to" 1 Gbps.

I recently worked with a support tech at a laptop company that promises "up to 9.25 hours" of battery life. My new laptop delivers about 4 hours. The support tech and his supervisor actually had the stones to state the the battery was "working as designed." This company designs laptop batteries to last 4 hours but advertises them as lasting 9.25? Heck, they might as well advertise that the battery can last up to 1 million hours...

The thing with "up to"-- it can mean zero. The phrase is meaningless. A company doesn't have to deliver anything. And unlike the old days, when companies had some sense of honor, the customer has to lump it. Think I'm exaggerating? Name one company that consistantly delivers a internet speed at the "up to" advertised limit. You cannot. Of course, this is complicated by the fact that ISPs are essentially monopolies...

So I'm going to start something new. I'm gong to pay "up to" the purchase price of the product. The company might get the full amount, but maybe "factors out of my control" will prevent me from paying the total promised.

Just kidding. Corporate America would stomp me like a bug if I didn't uphold my end of the bargain.

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